In Medias Res
by helveticajones
Summary: Follows on "The Weight of it all" Angela/Jordan pairing. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Here you go! Chapter one of what I hope will be a many chaptered story :) This continues on from my previous story "The Weight of it all". I hope you like it, I've got lots of dramatic plot points on the way.**

_Summer is like this lie that they tell you, you start to think that maybe I'm not trapped, maybe I'm like, y'know, free. But then it flies right past and you're right back where you started. _

Angela closed her locker and surveyed the all too familiar hallway. The students rushing past her, girls squealing as they embraced each other and boys checking out the girls.

To make everything worse, Jordan was gone for the first two weeks. His band had jumped on the tail end of a Don Caballero tour, which, according to Jordan, was a big deal.

_Three days, no, four days, no it's been three days since I've heard from Jordan. What does hearing from someone prove anyway? It proves that you are on their mind, that they are thinking about you, as opposed to not, thinking of you. _

"Chase face!" Sharon squealed, as she hit Angela with her embrace. Angela smiled as she hugged her friend.

"How was your break?"

"Not long enough," Angela sighed.

"Ugh, I know! I felt like there was still so much of Paris left to see and then, you're just on a plane going home."

"Oh, I forgot to ask, how was it?"

"It was amazing!" Sharon exclaimed, "I mean look," she said pointing to her top, "I got this there and all these amazing dresses, and hats! Oh my god Angela the hats! We have so much to catch up on, what have I missed? How's Jordan? Oh that reminds me I met this really cute guy..."

_How's Jordan?_ Angela looked past Sharon, half expecting to see him wandering up the hall.

"Shut up!" Sharon gasped and grabbed Angela's arm.

Angela turned to see what she was looking at and was met with the familiar sight of Brian Krakow, only it wasn't, all that familiar. His usually disarray of wooly hair and pink shirts had changed, he looked some how _taller_.

"Brian?"

"Look," Brian said coming over to them, "it's just hair, it grows so you cut it."

"Well," Sharon said giving him an approving smile, "I like it, I mean it suits you."

Brian gave her a nervous smile.

"Nice locks Krakow," Rayanne said joining them.

"Oh, shut up," Brian said as he put his head down and walked away.

"What?" Rayanne pouted, "I was being sincere," She called after him, "really, wanna come over later?"

Sharon toyed with a strand of her hair as she watched Brian make a bee line for home room.

"Angelica, Cherski," Rayanne gave them a mock salute, "what's happening?"

"I should get to home room," Angela said adjusting her hold on her books, "but I'll see you later and we'll like, catch up."

Rayanne looked after her as she walked away.

"What's with her?" Sharon didn't respond. "Yo, Cherski," Rayanne snapped her fingers in front of Sharon's face, "you in there?"

"Huh? Oh she's probably going to meet Jordan or something."

"So, tell me," Rayanne said as they walked to the girl's bathroom, "frogs legs, French kissing, French kissing the French..."

Rickie made his way towards home room cursing that he was going to be late on the first day back. Rickie put his books on the desk next to Brian's and gave him a smile as he sat down.

"Look," Brian said turning to him, "if you must know, it was my sister, there was like no stopping her or whatever."

"What?" Rickie hissed as the teacher started calling out names.

Brian pointed emphatically to his hair which made Rickie grin.

"Brian, don't you get it?" Rickie asked as they walked to their next class.

"Yes, no, get what?"

"This could be like, your chance or whatever, to you know be new, you could be like this new, you."

"Okay... but I'm not a new me, I'm just, it's just a hair cut, it can't like change your whole existence or anything."

"No," Rickie said thoughtfully, "but it's definitely different."

"And that's like, good?"

"Definitely."

Brian smiled awkwardly at a group of giggling cheerleaders.

The day seemed to crawl by, just like the day before that and the day before that. Angela attempted to pay attention but it was as if her teachers were surrounded by fog. She just put her head down and listened intently for the bell.

Rayanne and Sharon sat down on the steps outside school.

"So, you and Frenchie –"

"Philipe," Sharon interrupted.

"Right, Phileep," Rayanne continued, "you totally did it right?

Sharon blushed.

"So is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"That they're like better lovers?"

Sharon thought for a second, "I guess you could say that, they're more... _mature_."

"Wait? So he was older?"

"Well, no, not really...but more _experienced_."

"In the bedroom?"

"In everything," Sharon sighed.

Rayanne thoughtfully bit into her apple.

"Where's Angela?" she asked between bites, "I thought she was meeting us."

* * *

><p><em>Every year I make all these promises to myself, that this year I'll be a model student, I won't fall behind, and yet...<em>

Angela chewed on the end of her pen and tried to focus on the Math problem in front of her.

_Who gives homework on the first day of school?_

Her thoughts went back to Jordan, what was he doing? Did he miss her? Was he having more fun without her?

_Ten days, he will be home in ten days._

Just then the phone rang. Angela's knuckles went white as she gripped her text book. There was a knock on her door and she felt the knot in her stomach tighten.

"Angela, honey," Patty said opening the door, "phone's for you."

Angela raced past her mother and tried to control her nerves as she picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Angela, it's Cree"

"Oh hi," she tried not to let the disappointment show in her voice, "how are you?"

"Um, fine, uh, have you heard from the boys?"

"No, not for a couple of days, why?" _More like four days. _

"Oh, no reason, I just wondered if Jordan had said anything to you, uh about Shane."

"Only that he keeps eating Jordan's food."

"Oh, okay." Angela could hear a slight quiver in Cree's voice.

"Is everything okay?"

"Um, I think so, I just, I dunno."

"Cree, what's wrong?"

"I...I think I messed up."

"What happened? I thought everything was going great."

"It was and maybe that was like, the thing, we had this big talk before he left, like about everything. He was just opening up and it was amazing and it all just made me love him so much more. So...I told him."

"Told him what?"

"That, y'know, I loved him."

"Wow, Cree, that's great."

"That's what I thought, only he didn't exactly say it back to me or anything and now they're away and I haven't heard from him at all. I think I freaked him out."

Angela wasn't sure what to say, she was sure Jordan knew how she felt about him but neither of them had actually said it, and maybe that was a good thing.

"I'm sure you haven't, he's probably just been really busy or something."

"Yeah maybe."

"Hey, I better I go, I've got so much homework."

"Yeah, okay, I'll see ya later."

"Bye."

Angela hung up the phone. She felt sick, she was a horrible friend. The whole situation just brought up too many fears, fears that Jordan would get fed up with her and leave, fears that she loved Jordan way more than he felt about her.

The phone blared in Angela's hand. It gave her such a shock that she almost dropped it.

"Hello?"

"Angela?" Angela could just make out Jordan's voice over the noise in the background.

"Jordan!"

"Can you hear me?" he shouted into the phone.

"Yes."

"What?"

"Yes, I can hear you, I miss you."

"What?"

"I miss you," she shouted.

"Look, Ange, I can't hear you, we're about to go on, I'll call you later."

Angela heard the click on the line as the phone went dead.

She felt as if she'd been hit by a train.

_Nothing, nothing for three days and then he gives me five sentences? And later? What is later anyway? That could mean anything to a person like Jordan Catalano. _

Angela returned to her room and turned her stereo up.


	2. Chapter 2

_The absence of Jordan Catalano had become like this void in my life, sucking in all the light and color and leaving me gray and empty. _

Angela stood at Jordan's front door, she felt the familiar knot tighten in her stomach. She knew the band had gotten back sometime last night. Angela had wondered if he might come straight to see her and as a result had barely slept all night. But he hadn't come and so here she stood.

Angela took a deep breath and knocked on the door, it was still quite early but she hoped by some chance that he would be awake. She listened intently for any sounds of movement inside. She knocked again, this time she heard something. Angela's breath caught in her throat as she realized that Jordan's father could be home, how had this only just occurred to her? She looked back at the driveway and couldn't see another car. But that did little to ease her sudden fear. Angela had only seen his father once and that was from a distance and this was not the time to that she'd like to see him up close.

The door opened slowly, Angela breathed out a sigh of relief. She gazed up at Jordan who looked like he had or was about to go to sleep; he was wearing a white undershirt and navy blue sweat pants. Jordan rubbed his eyes and gave her a tired smile. Angela continued to look up at him letting the fact that he was actually there permeate though her mind, he stood back and motioned for her to come in.

Angela glanced around the small living room, she had always felt uneasy in here, maybe it was the lack of photos or anything personal. She shifted her weight and tried to hide her nerves. Jordan took her face in his hands and softly ran his thumb over her bottom lip.

"I missed you," Angela whispered as Jordan kissed her. Angela felt the world depart from her as he pushed his body against hers. She pulled her fingers through his hair and Jordan kissed her harder as if kissing her held some amazing answer. He moved his hands up under her top and back down over her shorts, he lifted her up and Angela answered in kind by wrapping her legs around him. Jordan carried her down the hall without breaking the kiss. They landed on his bed, Jordan paused for a second to look at Angela, he drew his index finger down her face and bit his lip.

There was something in the way that Jordan was doing everything, like it was an emergency, that made Angela think that maybe he had missed her too. Angela felt the wave of sensation move though her with every touch, every movement.

Jordan lost himself and it was all over far too soon.

"Are you okay?" Jordan whispered some time after.

Angela attempted a smile in response. Jordan's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Just... overwhelmed," Angela said softy.

"Yeah?" Jordan asked kissing down her neck, "in a good way?"

Angela gently ran her fingers through his hair, "yeah," she sighed.

Jordan rolled over onto his back, Angela leaned into him and traced circles on his chest.

"What do you think about?"

"What do I think about what?" Jordan asked lazily.

"You know.. like, during..."

"What? God Ange, I don't know."

"I'm just curious," Angela said resting her head on his shoulder.

Jordan ran his fingers along her bare arm, "I dunno, you, nothing, thinking doesn't really, you know, happen."

"Hmm."

Jordan grinned and wrapped his arms around her pulling her on top of him, Angela giggled as he kissed her face.

"What do you think about?" he asked teasingly.

"Me?" Angela exclaimed sitting up on his stomach, "I think too much..." Jordan grinned up at her. "...I think like about how we're here in your room..."

"In my bed," Jordan interrupted, Angela placed her hand over his mouth to shush him.

"Right, in your bed, in your room, which is in your house, that's in like America that's on planet Earth. And how we're just hurtling through space, just us, like stars or something."

Jordan pulled her back down onto him and rolled her onto her back kissing her mouth.

"I love how you do that," he whispered.

"Do what?"

"Make it sound like everything we do is so, I dunno, epic."

Angela smiled up at him, "I was also wondering how many other people were doing it at the same time."

Jordan grinned and kissed her. He had missed her like crazy and now she is here and everything is complete again.

They stayed like that for a while, just softly touching and enjoying the comfort of each other. It wasn't too long though before Jordan fell asleep. She watched him for a while, studying the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. Angela stifled a giggle as he started to softly snore.

Angela sat cross-legged on his bed and surveyed her surroundings. She loved getting lost as she stared at the different posters on his walls. She imagined him ripping them from the magazines and choosing where to put them. She noticed where Jordan had dumped his stuff from the tour, and loved the juxtaposition of the bag with the clothes spilling out next to the carefully placed bag of records.

Angela got up to have a look through what he'd bought. There was a couple _Sex Pistols_ albums, _Joy Divisio_n, _Rocket from the Crypt_, _Minutemen_ and more that Angela didn't recognize. She carefully placed the contents back in the bag.

_Music is like this obsession for him, it's like his fuel._

Angela turned down the volume on Jordan's stereo and pressed play, she was met with the surprising sound of the _Juliana Hatfield_ cd she'd leant him. She smiled to herself, picked up an old copy of Rolling Stone, laid back down on his bed and flicked absent mindlessly through the articles. She was half way through an interview with the _Chili Peppers_ when Jordan started to stir. He opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Hey," Angela said smiling.

"Hey," Jordan said, or more grunted. He stretched his arms out and pulled Angela back into him.

"You must've got back late."

Jordan mumbled something into her hair. Angela felt his body relax as he fell back asleep, her eyes eventually became heavy as her own sleepless night finally caught up with her.

Angela woke some time later, Jordan was still asleep, she laid there for a while letting her thoughts take her over. Suddenly Angela heard what she thought was the front door close. She held her breath and tried to listen for another sound, there was one it was someone talking to themselves and a cupboard being slammed. Angela jabbed Jordan in the ribs, she hoped it wasn't too hard but the sound that Jordan made told her maybe it was.

"Wha–?" Angela put her hand over Jordan's mouth and motioned for him to be quiet.

"I think your dad's home," she whispered.

Angela noticed Jordan's eyes widen. He got out of bed and threw Angela the rest of her clothes. Jordan listened intently at the door for confirmation that it was in fact his father. They heard the T.V switch on and the muffled curses that were directed to whatever was on.

Angela perched on the end of Jordan's bed, her insides tied up in knots. Jordan could sense that she was about to lose it.

"Look," he said softly and calmly, "it's fine Ange, we're just gonna leave okay."

Angela nodded and Jordan took her hand. He lead her down the hall stopping at the entrance to the living room, he noticed the six pack next to his old man's chair. Jordan looked back at Angela making sure she was behind him. They passed the living room into the kitchen, Angela's foot tripped up on an old beer can. It made a bang as it hit the cupboard. They both froze. Angela could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

"That you Jordy?" a gruff voice yelled.

Jordan didn't respond, he pushed Angela out the back door.

"You got any smokes kid?"

Jordan started the car and peeled out of the driveway. He drove them to a near by parking lot, cut the engine and looked over at Angela. She looked wreaked, hugging her knees and staring intently at the dash board. He hadn't meant to frighten her but there was just no way, none, that he would let his old man anywhere near her.

Jordan placed his hand on Angela's, she looked at him. It was one of those looks that shredded Jordan, so full of emotion, so intense, it would just cut right through him.

"Are you okay?" she finally asked.

"I'm fine," he answered, he couldn't give a shit how he felt. That was one of the things that always got him about her. She could be having the worst day of her life and still want to know if he was okay. "Look, I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay," she said touching his arm. Jordan could see the thoughts churning through Angela's mind, he could always tell, it was that fucking intensity again and you could feel it, like it was suffocating you.

"You don't talk about him much," she said softly.

Jordan shrugged, "there's not much to say." He knew that wasn't going to cut it.

"But, it's like this part of you, this big part, that you don't speak of."

Jordan chewed on his thumb. It _was_ some part of him, he hated that thought enough, he just wanted to push it all away, not talk about like she was going to make him do.

"Look," he said pulling his fingers through his hair, "it's not like he's like that all the time, sometimes it's I dunno _okay_, it's just when he's loaded you're better off getting the hell out of there." He looked at Angela to see if that was enough, if she was going to drop it now.

"Where's the rest of your family?" Her voice was soft again like if she asked him the question quiet enough he would be able to answer her.

Jordan stared out the window focusing on a soda can rolling about in the wind. He wished he was wasted. He's going to take her home after this and go find Shane.

"Jordan?" She was touching his arm again. That voice, that touch, god they should employ her to interrogate prisoners or something.

"Gone," he finally says. "It's just me and that asshole." He could hear the questions she was about to ask. "When she left...you know who I mean right," he looked at Angela and she nodded, "well it was like they just couldn't handle it or something, couldn't handle what their darling son had done to her, couldn't handle that she left him, couldn't handle me." He looked back at the empty can not wanting Angela to see the emotion that's all over his face and stinging his eyes.

Angela climbed over so that she was sitting on top of Jordan and wrapped her arms around him.

"I love you," she whispered and Jordan felt the bottom drop out of his world.

**AN: OMG! **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hi! Thanks so much to everyone who has favourited and reviewed, it's really encouraging. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I rewrote it so many times haha. Please review :)**

Brian flicked through his text book and looked up at Jordan who was busy writing his paper.

"Here you go." Jordan said handing it to him.

Brian read through it, impressed once more at how far Jordan had come.

"You need to define your paragraphs better," he said indicating to Jordan what he was talking about. "You see here how you've just got one point leading into the next? Well that's where you start a new paragraph." He marked the rest of the paper and handed it back to Jordan.

Brian looked around the room at the other students working together, he caught the eye of the girl he never called and smiled awkwardly. She gave him a half smile and went back to what she was doing. He couldn't even begin to know what to make of that. He noticed Sharon walking over to sharpen her pencil. She had been acting weird all week, not that she ever acted very normal anyway. But just being all smiley and laughing at not even very funny things, Brian found it all quite unnerving. Sharon looked over at him and Brian put his nose back down into his book.

Sharon crossed the room and stood tentatively at Brian and Jordan's desk.

"Uh, hi Brian."

"Hi."

"Look, are you free after this? I mean I need to ask you something, about band I mean."

"He's free," Jordan said without looking up from his paper.

Sharon shot Jordan a look, "So are you? Free I mean."

"I've got calculus, so- ow!" Brian rubbed his knee where Jordan had kicked him. He looked over at Jordan who still had his eyes down on his work. "Well yeah I am, I guess I just forgot or something."

"_Okay_, well I'll see you later then."

"Later," Brian said as she walked away. "What is your problem?" he hissed leaning towards Jordan.

"What?" Jordan smiled, "she wants you man."

"She does not."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, and I am not cutting calculus so you can forget about that."

"Well," Jordan whispered leaning in closer, "how come she's been staring at you for like, this whole time?"

"She has?"

Jordan smiled and went back to writing his paper.

"So...what should I do?"

Brian hovered nervously near his locker and tried to remember what Jordan had told him. He cursed the fact that he never asked Sharon where she wanted to meet and thought about maybe checking the band room again.

"Hi," Sharon said coming up to him.

"Uh, hi Cherski."

"So..."

"So, what did you want to ask me?"

"Oh right," she said, "Uh, can we talk in there?" She motioned to a nearby empty classroom. Brian swallowed hard and followed her into the room. Sharon shut the door behind him.

"So, I just wanted to let you know," Sharon started talking and Brian was highly aware of how close she was standing to him, "that Delia Fisher has a boyfriend."

"Oh okay," Brian stammered.

"Just incase you were still, you know, interested, in her I mean." Sharon touched his hand lightly, "so are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Still interested?"

Brian tried to remember what Jordan had said, he tried to remember anything, he started reciting Pi in his head, then the words finally came back to him. _Kiss her_. Brian dismissed them but they came back again and started to play like a drum beat in his head. _Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her_. So Brian did.

"I'm sorry," he said almost instantly.

"Huh?" a stunned Sharon responded.

"I mean uh, thank you," Brian headed for the door, took one last look at Sharon and disappeared into the hallway.

"Man, girls are nuts," Shane said as Jordan chucked him his lighter. "Just, seriously, crazy." Jordan shrugged his shoulders and sucked back on his cigarette. "I mean," Shane continued, "I go there to you know see her or whatever and she won't even look at me, she's just all like why haven't you called me, I haven't heard from you blah blah." Shane tried to light his cigarette but it won't catch, "Stupid-" he chucked the lighter on the ground and took Jordan's. "It's like I don't know why I didn't call her, what does she want me to say?"

"Are we playin' this Friday?" Jordan asked taking his smoke back.

Shane shrugged, "I dunno ask Tino."

Jordan flicked the ash from the cigarette and passed it back to Shane, "you shoulda called her man."

Shane took a long draw and stared at the ground. "Yeah but I mean I fucked up and what if she could like, tell?"

"Angela," Ricky took her hand and pulled her down next to him on the grass. Angela sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. "Has he said anything yet?" Angela didn't respond. "Hey," Ricky took Angela's face between his hands and looked at her intently, "don't panic." Angela sighed again and laid back on the cool grass. She gazed up at the cloudless sky and tried to give words to the thoughts pushing through her mind.

"I think," she said at last, "I think, I'm like glad that I've, y'know, said it. Like, it's out there now, I'm kind of I don't know, _relieved_."

"Yeah?" Ricky said laying down next to her.

"But at the same time, I feel really exposed. I mean, I've just told him like _the thing_ that you tell a person and he just kind of left me hanging out there. And what if he doesn't, you know, _love me_," the last words barely made it out of Angela's mouth.

"I think," Ricky said pulling out some of the grass, "like maybe, you caught him off guard or something, like he wasn't prepared."

"Yeah," Angela continued to stare into the sky and replayed the conversation through her mind. "I'm scared Ricky," she whispered.

"I know," he said softly, "just give him time."

The thud of Rayanne's bag hitting the ground broke Angela and Ricky from their thoughts.

"You would not believe what I just witnessed." Rayanne sat down next to Angela and looked up at the sky to see what Angela was looking at. "I mean," she continued, "just like the fact of it, it's unbelievable."

Angela sat back up and picked at the sleeve of her shirt. "What? What did you see?" Angela tucked her hair behind her ear and looked at Rayanne.

Rayanne leaned in closer and whispered, "you won't believe me."

"Rayanne," Ricky said getting up.

Rayanne dug through her bag and pulled out a lollypop.

"Rayanne!" Ricky and Angela said together.

Rayanne gave a wicked smile and leaned back in, "I saw Cherski kissing-" she paused for suspense, "Brian Krakow."

Angela and Ricky stared at her in disbelief.

"Shut up," Angela said.

"Like, _kissing_?" Ricky said still staring at her.

Rayanne grinned and stuck the lollypop in her mouth.

Angela stood up and pulled her fingers through her hair, "I do not believe you."

"I know."

"Whatever, I'm going to Bio," Angela adjusted the strap on her backpack, "and just keep whatever you did or didn't see to yourself."

Rayanne looked hurt.

"What is it with her lately?" She asked as Angela walked away.

"So," Ricky grabbed her arm, "you actually, I mean you actually saw this?"

Rayanne nodded. "It's like engraved in my mind."

"Wow."

"I know."

Sharon opened her locker pulled out her compact mirror, she stared at her mouth before reapplying her lipstick.

"You would not believe what Rayanne just tried to tell me." Angela said coming up to her. Sharon closed her locker and looked at Angela. "She tried to tell me that you and Brian Krakow-"

"That we what?"

"That you were kissing, which is just about the most insane thing that she's ever come up with."

"Well," Sharon chewed on her bottom lip, "maybe it's not too insane."

"What? You and Brian Krakow?"

"It just sort of...happened."

Angela tried to think how a person could just happen to kiss Brian.

"Well," Angela tucked her hair behind her ear, "that's great for you, I guess, I mean is it... great?"

Sharon groaned and leant back against her locker. "I have no idea."

"It's just mostly his hair I think," Sharon explained to Rayanne later in Gym, "it's made him like, different."

"It is one stylin' do," Rayanne smirked.

"It's just really strange you know, how he's like always been there only he's never been like, noticeable, before."

"And you noticed him," Rayanne's smile widened as she leant in closer to Sharon, "do you think that was his first time? Kissing I mean."

"What? No way," Sharon shook her head, "oh god, what if it was?"

"You could do lots of firsts together."

Sharon grabbed Rayanne's arm, "I can't, I mean, that's a lot of pressure for a person."

Angela pulled herself up onto the brick wall and waited for Jordan to finish Shop. She ran the events of the day through her mind and tried to make sense of them. She pictured Brian and Sharon holding hands in the halls and making out between classes, the whole thing just seemed too ridiculous. Brian and Sharon, two people that she had known practically forever, there was just no way. But then maybe they'd changed and maybe she didn't really know them anymore.

Angela could see Cree walking towards her and figured that she was meeting Shane. Angela smiled but Cree seemed not to notice.

"Hey," Angela said getting down off the wall.

"Oh hey," Cree said quietly.

"Feels like I haven't seen you in ages."

"Yeah, I guess." Cree shifted her weight and looked nervously past Angela.

"They should be out soon."

"Yeah." Cree dropped her bag and sat down against the wall. Angela sat down next to her and picked at the toe of her boot.

"Did you guys sort stuff out?"

"No," Cree sighed and dug through her bag, she pulled out her sketch book. Angela looked over to see what she was working on, it was a charcoal sketch of an old looking tree with bare, scraggly branches, it had that beautiful sadness that was in so much of Cree's work. "He came over," she said after a while, "and tried to pretend like everything was okay which just made me really angry. So he got all fed up and left, haven't talked to him since."

"So he still hasn't said anything about what you told him?"

"Not a word," Cree said breaking her piece of charcoal on the paper. "It's like, I don't know, I've stopped caring if he'll say it back, I just... I just miss him you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Angela said softly.

"Before he left, we were hanging out in my room listening to the Pumpkins and he made me dance with him to that _Blew Away_ song..."

Angela noticed Cree's eyes start to mist over as she talked.

"...he's just such an idiot," she sniffed and smiled weakly at Angela.

They looked up as they heard the boys walking out.

"I wish we were still on the road," they heard Ralph say.

"Yeah," Shane agreed.

Angela went to get up but Cree pulled her back down.

"Just playin' every night," they heard Ralph make air guitar noises, "and the chicks man, so much better than the ones around here. Who was that one you hooked up with Roberts? Man she was hot."

Angela's mouth fell open in disbelief, she looked over at Cree. She looked stunned, like she was in shock or something, then Angela noticed her mouth start to tremble. Cree hastily shoved her stuff back in her bag and got up as the guys came round the corner. Angela saw the look of horror that crossed Shane's face as he saw her.

"Babe-" he started to say but Cree rubbed her eyes and took off towards the parking lot.

Angela shot Shane a scowling look before she took off after Cree. Jordan came round the corner just in time to see Angela leaving.

"What the hell did I miss?" he exclaimed looking from Shane to Ralph.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hi everyone, thanks so much for your wonderful reviews, thanks anonymous :) ****I hope you like this chapter.**

_There are some people that you become friends with and you're not even sure how it happens; it's just like natural or something. I know how I became friends with Cree, it just made sense, she was with Shane. But now she's not and now I guess, we can see, if we actually are friends. _

Angela stood outside of Cree's room, she touched the cool of the glass sliding door and felt envious once more of where Cree lived. Her room was semi detached to the house and served like her own apartment. Angela could hear voices from the other side of the door, well one voice really; Angela recognized it as belonging to Nancy Harper. Nancy Harper, the girl with blonde hair down to her waist, who wore low cut everything and frequented detention. Angela wondered how Cree had even become friends with a girl like that.

_The thing with girls like Nancy Harper is you're never sure if they really do care or if they just feel that they should like, care. _

"You need to get up Cree," she heard Nancy say, "you need to shower. You haven't been to school all week. Look he was an idiot anyway you can do so much better. And stop listening to that same pathetic song."

Angela noticed the abrupt stop of the music. And then the start of it again.

"Well at least you got up to do that," Nancy sighed, "look I've gotta go, I'm meeting Phil."

The door opened and Nancy stopped short at the sight of Angela.

"Maybe you can do better," she said as she brushed past her.

Angela took a deep breath and tried to think of something to say to Cree that wouldn't sound utterly pathetic.

"Hey," Angela gave the door a knock as she entered.

_Cree's room had been like, our place to go all summer. It was like we all had a home, together, or something._

The room was dark and smelled kinda stale.

_Now it was like walking into an abandoned house._

The dankness was only amplified by the sound of the _Smashing Pumpkins_ on repeat. Angela could see Cree curled up at the end of her bed. She still wasn't sure what she should say, it was like nothing she said could really matter anyway. Angela sat on the floor next to Cree's bed and hugged her knees to her chest. She listened to the music and drifted into the familiar melancholy.

_When you don't know what to say to somebody, when it's like really important, and what you do say could have all this meaning. It's like you can hear the minutes tick by, of you just not saying anything. _

Angela chewed thoughtfully on her bottom lip and tensed as what she should say became apparent. "When," she said after a while, "when Jordan and Rayanne," she paused trying to get the words out, "when he did that...it was like something died...and I hated him, I hated him so much." Angela could feel the emotions starting to burn her throat, "I hated that he had like this power over me, that he could just go off and do this horrible thing. And I hated that he took away my best friend." Angela stopped, unsure if Cree was listening.

"What did you do?"

"I think," Angela, said quietly, "as much as I hated him, I loved him. And after a while I loved him more than I hated him."

"So, you forgave him?"

"In a way, I guess. I think it was him finally wanting to be with me, so I had to forgive him, for that to like, happen."

"Did it stop hurting?"

"Not really, but it hurts less."

"I don't know if I can forgive him," Cree whispered.

"You don't have to."

"He's tried to call me, I think he even came over but Dad wouldn't let him in." Cree was silent for a while after that.

_I don't think anybody really has all the answers; all we can do is be there and hope that's like enough, to numb the pain._

"Can I ask you something?" Angela waited for a response but none came, "how did you get to be friends with Nancy Harper?"

Cree rolled over and stared at the ceiling, "it was," she sighed but it was more of a relieved sigh, "it was when we moved here last October. I didn't know anybody and she came up to me on my first day at school. I thought it was a dare. But she was nice, kind of insane but nice. I think I was like a project for her, like fix the awkward shy girl or something."

"I can relate."

"Hey Angela?"

"Yeah?"

"What if he was like _it_ for me, like, the only one?"

"I think that you're kind of insane if you think that."

Cree scowled and threw her pillow at Angela.

"I'm gonna go take a shower."

* * *

><p>"The thing of it is Catalano," Shane said between swigs of beer, "who the hell is she? She doesn't own me."<p>

Jordan steadied his pool cue before taking his shot. Shane cursed as Jordan sunk another ball.

"I mean, she can't tell me who I can and can't see."

Jordan took his next shot and picked up his beer, "who couldn't you see?"

"I dunno," Shane mumbled as he lined up his shot, "but that's not the point–shit," he exclaimed as the ball bounced back away from the pocket.

Jordan smirked, "well what is the point?"

"The point," Shane paused to finish his beer, "the point is that I'm not like you Catalano."

Jordan sunk two more balls, "and what am I like?"

"Like, oh Angela," Shane said mockingly, "oh how I miss her. This," he dramatically picked up his cue stick, "this reminds me of how she likes sticks and the woods, and oh we shall frolic in the woods," Shane danced around the table. Jordan shoved him into the wall as he pirouetted past; Shane dropped the stick and raised his hands in surrender.

"These guys suck," Shane, shouted over the sound of the wannabe Nirvana band. Jordan nodded and handed Shane another beer. "We shoulda gone to Let's Bolt." Shane gulped back his beer, almost finishing it in a few mouthfuls. The band announced their last song and Shane cheered obnoxiously.

"Who's on tonight anyway?" Shane asked as the band walked off stage.

"Was supposed to be _Polvo_ but I heard they pulled out."

"They probably heard who was supportin' them." Shane picked up a flyer from one of the tables, "Agh," he exclaimed, "who the hell is _Reminesses_? This requires more beer," he stated walking back towards the bar.

Jordan and Shane sat at the bar in silence, the sound of _Reminesses_ droned on in the background. Jordan absentmindedly tore up coasters while Shane nursed his drink.

"God I miss her," Shane said staring at his beer, "just even the sound of her... I shoulda told her," he slurred, "just said fuck it I love you."

"But do you?" Jordan didn't look up, keeping his focus on the bar.

"I dunno, probably," Shane mumbled.

"Why didn't you tell her?"

Shane picked at the label on the bottle, "it's like she expected too much from me or something, I'd just wreak it all anyway."

Jordan finished his beer and looked at his friend, he had no idea what to tell him. It was obvious to Jordan that Shane did love her but maybe he just didn't want to admit it.

Shane got off his stool, stumbled and held onto the bar for support. "I'm gonna call Cree."

"No, you're not," Jordan said getting up, "I'll take you home."

"No," Shane shoved him.

Jordan grabbed Shane's arm and pulled him out of the bar and to his car. Shane slumped into the seat and kicked the dash with his foot. Jordan gave him a warning look but there wasn't much behind it. He hated seeing his friend like this, he remembered how awful he felt when he'd hurt Angela like that, and he never wanted to feel like that again.

* * *

><p>Angela sat on the front steps of her house and stared at her boots. She hadn't been prepared for all of her old scars to be opened up. But she thought it was worth it, if it helped Cree to cope. She looked back up at the street as the red car pulled into view. She wished Jordan would get a new car, or maybe just get a bike, something that he couldn't screw other girls in anyway.<p>

Angela turned her attention back to her boots and didn't look up as he sat down beside her.

"Hey," Jordan said touching her hand softly, Angela abruptly moved her hand.

"You knew didn't you?" she hugged her knees to her chest, still not looking at him.

"I dunno, I guess I did."

"And you didn't stop him?"

"Can we talk about something else?"

Angela glared at him, "you didn't think it was worth your time to say hey Shane maybe don't screw that chick you have a girlfriend?"

"Change the subject Angela."

"I don't believe you," she rolled her eyes.

"What, what do you want me to say? I'm not his babysitter," Jordan snapped.

"So you think that's acceptable behaviour?"

Jordan didn't answer.

"Of course you do," Angela muttered.

"Do you really think that?" Angela could hear the hurt in his voice.

"You just don't get it do you?" She said softly, "It's like you don't care what happens, to you or anybody else. It always feels like you're ten seconds away from leaving and it scares me to death."

"But I haven't gone anywhere," Jordan mumbled.

"But you do, every time you don't talk to me, or I don't see you. You take up so much of me and I feel like you can just dismiss me whenever you want."

"It's not like that."

"Then what's it like?"

"It's like there's all this pressure, to be like, who you want me to be, to act a certain way or something. So, I dunno, you can prove to everyone that you're not wasting you're time with a loser."

"Jordan," Angela touched his hand, she could feel the tension in his fingers, "you're not, I'm not... I just want you," she spoke softly, "all of you."

Jordan didn't look at her; Angela let go of his hand and pulled her fingers through her hair. "Look," she said focusing on the street, "I'm the one that told you, I mean I said it, didn't I?"

"You can take it back if you want," Jordan muttered.

Angela stood up; she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Anger coursed through her veins and she tensed her fists. She turned to face him, the boy with the shaggy hair, blue eyes and ridiculous reasoning. She wanted to yell at him, to force him to understand, force him to tell her anything, anything about how he felt. But there was something about the way he stared at the pavement and picked at the edge of the step, the way he rubbed his eyes before he cautioned a glance at her. He looked so defeated, slumped over in a beautiful mess of flannel. Angela couldn't yell, she wanted to cry but she fought it back. She stood in front of him, Jordan rested hi head against her thigh and she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I–" she started to say but Jordan pulled her back down to the pavement.

"Don't say anything," he whispered.

"But–" Jordan silenced her, putting his index finger over her lips.

"Just... Wait," Angela could see the seriousness in his eyes and she mentally braced herself for what he was about to say. "I've been running this over in my mind, since you know, the thing. Trying to get the right words, to tell you what you deserve to hear." Jordan reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, "But the thing is," he whispered, "that there are no words, it's not just something you say. It's something that you feel– it's something that I feel… Angela..."

"Yeah?" she murmured.

Jordan smiled, "I love you too."

**AN: BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!  
><strong>**Cree was listening to The Smashing Pumpkins: Pisces Iscariot album.  
><strong>**Reminesses: I totally made them up, they'd like to sound like Portishead, only they're not very good.  
><strong>**Polvo: An indie noise band from north Carolina, Shane & Jordan would've really liked to have seen them play.**


End file.
